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My journal is very personal, and as such, quite descriptive. Not everyone may enjoy this. You have been warned.


A Childish Goodbye

 Press my heart, and hope to die.
As here in this bloody mess I lie.
To tell no truths, with teeth set tight,
Fears creep inwards, towards the light.

Stick a needle in my eye, oh why,
Whence you clasped me as I sigh,
Dreaming of the pictures gone,
Shredded up, stripped and torn.

In darkness shrouded, by the by,
Temptation wasted, time is nigh.
Kiss of the last, smile at the dawn.
The silence of you is how I mourn.

(no subject)

Tasting the fingertips of lust,
It is here I stand.
Tearing the sheets as I must,
And bending to your demands.
Know not of the keys you bring,
To lock me up tight,
And become a shadow of a thing,
A creature of the night.

Inside, I'll rip it all apart,
Never let it live again.
And quickly away you will dart,
Oblivious to the pain.
Sink to the bottom, never to resurface,
Lie amongst the sand and weeds.
Life without a sense of purpose,
Is just a play with no lead.
  • Current Mood
    pessimistic pessimistic
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(no subject)

Gently you fold me,
like a piece of paper,
to place in your pocket,
forgotten in the wash

Tenderly you clasp me,
around your neck,
to hang down,
to tarnish and rust

Gingerly you wrap me around you,
drape me across your skin,
like I'm your favourite shirt,
torn and full of holes

  • Current Music
    The Noose - A Perfect Circle
  • Tags


"It's time," he said with palm outstretched towards me
My head shook its refusal; eyes brimming with fear
"You must," came the insistent tone, "and you know"
A cool touch filled my hand, and brought me upright
"I cannot," I whispered, as if someone could overhear
Frantically attempting to disentangle the fingers
Pleading looks were hushed; failure was ominous
"Come." A demand. No choice. And I knew
I had long felt the emptiness waiting
We strode away, as I lay back down
Upon my new bed of earth, rocks and dust
And it ended as it all began so many years ago
With a single breath
  • Current Music
    Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle
  • Tags

Fanfic Updates

I'm not even sure if anyone on my flist reads them, but I have updated my fics a little.

12 Dates of Christmas:

Unable to think of what to buy Edward for Christmas, Bella set's out to give him something they missed out on in the beginning of their relationship. What ensues is a series of dates that don't always go to plan. Romantic fluff.

Chapter One//Chapter Two//Chapter Three//Chapter Four//Chapter Five

Try Again:

A year ago Edward divorced his wife, but all of the anger and hurt still lies within him, and forces him within his own mental hell. When he meets Bella, she seems unusually interested in him. Will she help him move beyond his past, or will his insecurities hold him back? Angst and rated M for language.

Chapter One//Chapter Two//Chapter Three
Sam and Dean


Teetering on the edge of destruction
Internally conflicted
Should the moment come to pass
The throes shall be depicted
Lurching in the violence
Of the pain they are restricted
The mighty ones will fall
Under the eyes of the land predicted
The Earth shall rise from the ashes and dust
For the lesser shall be connected
And time will cease, forever stand still
Until the past can be corrected
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
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Lean into me sweetly
Forget the creatures of the night
Grasp and hold me deeply
This is not the final fight

Take me with you into the abyss
Tear me from the bounds I've known
Because for all I know, it is this
That will steal me from my heart of stone
  • Current Mood
    intimidated intimidated
  • Tags

The Darkness

Well I can't manage on my own, and I can't be with someone. Who knows why I'm split between the two; why I feel this urgent need to be with someone when I know that it would be wrong.. that I would back out of it faster than a light repelling the darkness.

Stumbling blindly
Hands held forth, feeling the way
Feet inching forward, tripping on unknown ground
Hoping for the light, the light to come.

Hitting the wall
Searching along it, for some sort of end
The bricks crumbling under fingertips
Bleeding as the cuts open again.

A door, a handle
Stuck fast with the hold of steel
Unbending, unbuckling, unmoving
No matter the strength grasping at it.

A cry in the night
Loud, eerily piercing
With the pain tearing through the darkness
That refuses to yield.

A light in the distance.
A small hope, coming closer, closer
Illuminating a face so pure
So beautiful it diminishes the flame held near.

Hands reaching towards each other
The touch, the pull, the warm embrace
A notion of safety
In the midst of the opaque blackness.

To home again
Under the guidance of hearts
Strung together to heal the wounds
Of the battle before.

The light, the heat, the energy,
The force of love, the tug of lust, the encapsulating desires that draw two near
It is but a dream, a vision, a hallucination
As the sobs come once more.

Leaning against the door,
Waiting, forever anticipating
The hope fading as exhaustion takes hold
And closes in.

Eyes flutter closed
Never to awaken, one last ragged breath drawn
Taken by the darkness, the night

And the love that lost its way.

  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy
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This is

Summer. Or so it is meant to be. Sweltering heat mixed with salty beaches, dripping ice-cream and glistening bodies. Long days, musical nights and hours of lustful passion. This is my summer.

But it is not my summer. The cold chill of the morning air, the wetness of the ground, and the covered skin hiding from sight. This is my summer. What it has become. Desperation for the days which are blistering, when cool breezes are tempted and sleepless nights are endured.

I miss you summer.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated